Domestic abuse is most commonly experienced by women and perpetrated by men. It is rarely an isolated incident and often gets worse over time. It is estimated that in Scotland 1 in 5 women will experience domestic abuse regardless of age, beliefs, race, religion or lifestyle.

Domestic abuse includes:

• Physical abuse: slapping, punching, pushing.
• Mental abuse: controlling behaviour, threats, name calling, isolating you from your friends and family.
• Sexual abuse: being forced to have sex, feeling humiliated or degraded, rape.
• Financial abuse: withholding money, controlling your wages, forcing you to work.
• Domestic abuse may include one or several of the above. You are not to blame. You don’t have to put up with it.
• Help and support is available.  Women’s Aid South Lanarkshire can provide you with emotional support and practical help.
• Women’s Aid uses the Home Office definition of domestic violence which is:
  “Any incident or pattern of incidents of controlling, coercive or threatening behaviour, violence or abuse between those aged 16 or over who are or have been intimate partners or family members regardless of gender or sexuality.
• This can encompass but is not limited to the following types of abuse:
  • psychological
  • physical
  • sexual
  • financial
  • emotional
• Controlling behaviour is: a range of acts designed to make a person subordinate and/or dependent by isolating them from sources of support, exploiting their resources and capacities for personal gain, depriving them of the means needed for independence, resistance and escape and regulating their everyday behaviour. Coercive behaviour is: an act or a pattern of acts of assault, threats, humiliation and intimidation or other abuse that is used to harm, punish, or frighten their victim.” *

*This definition includes so called ‘honour’ based violence, female genital mutilation (FGM) and forced marriage, and is clear that victims are not confined to one gender or ethnic group. Does domestic violence only happen in certain cultures or classes? Research shows that domestic violence is most commonly experienced by women and perpetrated by men. Any woman can experience domestic violence regardless of race, ethnic or religious group, class, disability or lifestyle.

• Domestic violence can also take place in lesbian, gay, bi-sexual and transgender relationships, and can involve other family members, including children.

Why does it happen?

All forms of domestic violence – psychological, economic, emotional and physical – come from the abuser’s desire for power and control over other family members or intimate partners. Although every situation is unique, there are common factors involved.

What are the signs of domestic violence?

• Destructive criticism and verbal abuse: shouting/mocking/accusing/name calling/verbally threatening
• Pressure tactics: sulking, threatening to withhold money, disconnect the telephone, take the car away, commit suicide, take the children away, report you to welfare agencies unless you comply with his demands regarding bringing up the children, lying to your friends and family about you, telling you that you have no choice in any decisions.
• Disrespect: persistently putting you down in front of other people, not listening or responding when you talk, interrupting your telephone calls, taking money from your purse without asking, refusing to help with childcare or housework.
• Breaking trust: lying to you, withholding information from you, being jealous, having other relationships, breaking promises and shared agreements.
• Isolation: monitoring or blocking your telephone calls, telling you where you can and cannot go, preventing you from seeing friends and relatives.
• Harassment: following you, checking up on you, opening your mail, repeatedly checking to see who has telephoned you, embarrassing you in public.
• Threats: making angry gestures, using physical size to intimidate, shouting you down, destroying your possessions, breaking things, punching walls, wielding a knife or a gun, threatening to kill or harm you and the children.
• Sexual violence: using force, threats or intimidation to make you perform sexual acts, having sex with you when you don’t want to have sex, any degrading treatment based on your sexual orientation.
• Physical violence: punching, slapping, hitting, biting, pinching, kicking, pulling hair out, pushing, shoving, burning, strangling.
• Denial: saying the abuse doesn’t happen, saying you caused the abusive behaviour, being publicly gentle and patient, crying and begging for forgiveness, saying it will never happen again.